The Chronicals of the eloquent underdog
The Vancouver 2010 winter Olympic Games Opening Ceremony Spoiler:
2010 Olympics Spoilers
The 2010 winter Olympics are upon us. All the world is in anticipation for the opening ceremonies tonight. At least that’s what Vancouverites would like to believe. Winning the contract to host the 2010 games was not an easy feat, as John furlong leads us to believe, yet for some reason I cannot understand why anyone would challenge us for it. Lets face it, none of us believe these are the real Olympics.
Don’t get me wrong, I like the Olympics and the ideals they imbibe. I’m just not the biggest fan of the Corporate Agenda which the Vancouver Olympic Committee (VANOC) have turned these games into.
I was in attendance at the final dress rehearsal of the Opening Ceremonies and here are a couple of Spoilers for you enthusiasts out there.
1. Bryan Adams performs “ I’m still a washed up Canadian pretending to be American” in a duet with Nelly Furtado - who took time off her extended vacation in obscurity to be with us
2. KD Lang proves to us yet again that her sexual orientation is the only interesting aspect to herself as she butchers Leonard Cohen's “Hallelujah”
3. Sarah Mclachlan was great on the piano. She really was. The artsy attempt at the portrayal of the prairies however, was reminiscent of an LSD trip I had at a farm in 1964. Watch out for squares of bushels of wheat amongst piano crescendos and a dancer who pretends hes running, then flying.
4. I cannot remember who else performed…yes it was that good
5. The rendition of the Canadian National Anthem however was easily the best ive ever heard, so If you have 3 hours to kill, Id suggest tuning in for that.
6. The First Nations people of our great nation are portrayed as stoned and Juvenile yet again by Corporate Canada. This also happens to take up a bulk of the ceremony. Do not be fooled by what you see, Native people are still regular people..VANOC just spends 2 hours making fun of them.
7. 4 Latex “totem poles” erect from the ground as actors from the 4 major first nations tribes welcome ‘the world’ to Vancouver. Their striking resemblance to adult entertainment tools for women will totally take your focus away from the fact that these actors are probably the least “first nations” any could be. None the less, I highly commend VANOC’s exuberant expenditure on those 3 story women’s adult recreational devices. When this is over, you could auction them off as the worlds most expensive dildos.
8. The sound, Lighting, Use of pyrotechniques etc. are all exciting and keep you on your seat. The cheesiness of the segments however far offset them. VANOC has really turned the Cheese up on this one, playing on Patriotism and “peace” making one wonder if any of this pleases anyone.
Vancouver Olympic Committee CEO John Furlong criticized spectators for leaking details of Friday’s highly anticipated event.“I don’t think it’s classy,” he told media on Wednesday. I don’t think you wasting our tax dollars on this cheesy remake of a cirque du soleil was classy Furlong.
I usually am a citizen with integrity. I went into this event hoping to see our country and what makes it great. Instead I am seated in row 439 with absolutely no breathing room amid an old Nova Scotian couple who took it upon themselves to be the “Photo Natzis”. Apparently the rule “ no photography” was really the only thing that mattered Wednesday night. There were ‘photo natzi’ volunteers assigned, 3 to a section, to ensure that any photo takers had their cameras confiscated. First off, had it not been for said “photo natzis” and their condescending approach a photo I took, I wouldn’t have leaked photos and spoilers. After the self deputized fogies behind me took it upon themselves to rain on every ones parade, I felt it my patriotic duty to repay the favor with this blog update.
All in all, if you can do something else for the 3 hours between 6pm and 9pm tonight, I’d suggest doing that.
Thank you VANOC, for ruining the 2010 games for me
Mexico 2010. You gotta be there!
